Here I am, approaching the end of my second week. I really thought I would be feeling better by now. I'm ready to quit. Im ready to eat a (raw) cupcake and be done with it. If I get sick, I get sick. At least I got to eat something tasty! Don't get me wrong, I want to be healthy. But the longer I am on this the sicker I get. Yeah, maybe I'm gaining weight. Or maybe I'm not. I don't own a scale for a good reason. I'm anxious. I'm depressed. I'm constantly hungry, no matter what or how often I eat. This is no way to live. I know it's "only temporary" but how long is that? There's no guarantee I will even see differences! Maybe i'm just meant to live with this. I've become a major shut-in. Every morning I aspire to leave the house. Every afternoon I put my poor son to bed having not gone and done anything. I fear getting hungry. I'll feel relatively okay one minute, the next minute I'm overly hungry to the point of stomach growling and feeling sick. Why do I have to live like this? Why can't anything just work correctly for my body? Why am I even still alive if i'm not getting nutrients. Am I getting them now? Who even knows. I feel like I'm slowly withering away to nothing and some morning I'm just going to not wake up.
I know this isn't the most positive note, but it is what it is... It's me...barely surviving day to day on my "repairing" diet that seems to be breaking me more.
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